The pace of your becoming
Isar is the river of Munich. It’s clean and people are happily dipping in its relatively cold water regardless of the season. It’s absolutely common to see folks during any time of the day undressing and preparing for a quick bath, stopping by to put their feet into the water, enjoying a swim against the quite strong currents of the river, or floating along the Eisbach.
I had mixed feelings seeing all the fun, mostly because I often find the water painfully cold.
I also had to familiarize myself with the fact that young and old freely change clothes before and after their bath just right next to the river. This means they get completely naked as they at times quickly, at times comfortably switch from their casual clothes to bath suits and vice versa. This morning I saw a middle-aged man dressed up in assumably expensive suits after his morning swim. It’s Munich after all!
We were blessed with some hot summer days lately and the water temperature became bearable - at least to my taste. I stopped by a few times while cycling in the city, took off my shoes and bathed my feet in the river gently getting a feel of it at last.
Today morning I planned a swim (in a proper pool, not in the river!) when I saw a group of people (about 10-15) doing their morning ritual (yes, I meant swimming here) in the Isar. Spontaneously I made a turn and decided to join them. I was already dressed in swimming suits so no need for changing on the spot! (I will def try the next time though, this part sounds liberating!)
I wondered if I had the nerve to go straight into the water and luckily I found a woman who modelled me a different practice! She was walking back and forth in the shallow water, going only as deep as she decided to. I followed this approach, my legs got wet and I could still stay in my hoodie, so my upper body was kept warm.
After finishing my newly found morning activity, I realized how typical this pace is for me.
Take it step by step, gently and always a bit further at a time.
When I was a child I was considered shy and I haven’t tried many things, because I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle or learn it. This was why I stayed away from interesting sports, and hobbies and later on I skipped even trying to get jobs, pursue professions, realize dreams and move to places that I found exciting. (I know it might sound a bit weird having my history of adventures, moves and numerous career changes, yet the feel is very personal because my internal guide would have brought me to do and dare a lot more - and wilder things! - if I had learned earlier how to approach new and scary things!).
What I am starting to understand is that my way of learning happens through desensitization (it might be related to my trauma history but it’s rather just a hunch and a connection I am making now), gently guiding myself through the process of being familiar with the new. Let’s take the river example: it might mean just visiting the river first, looking at it at times, and watching its waves and currents and the people in it. I go and make a picnic next to it then, I meditate while sitting on the rocks on the bank of it, and take a walk and go for a run - so I do familiar things and connect them with the unfamiliar. Then I became brave enough to walk in the water, and maybe one time I’ll be fully ready to dip and even swim in it. If I wanted to skip this process, it would have caused me panic and great resistance, making me run away and probably never return.
The same pattern applies to meeting a new culture, a new society, a new city and occasionally also a new career path. When on holiday, the first few days are always settling for me, before I can go out and truly discover what’s around. I consider myself an introvert and when being exposed to new crowds, the dynamics follow quite a similar pace. Interestingly, it can be quite the opposite with individuals and small groups though! I connect quickly if I am in an intimate space where depth, warmth and compassion are present.
Growth is very personal. Take your time to learn about who you are and how you operate. It’s not that you should change it and become different. It’s about knowing yourself deeply enough to understand what’s best, and how you can empower and help yourself to become your fullest version.
What is your pace to make changes? What is your tempo to become who you are?
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